You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
