I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
