I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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