She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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