when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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