I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
