I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Randomize
