Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
