there were more penises there than on chat roulette
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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