If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
