I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
