Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
