good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
