Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
