remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Randomize
