WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
