How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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