I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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