walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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