Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
