Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
