Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
