Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize