Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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