This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
