he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
