You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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