It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
