she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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