that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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