It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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