this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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