You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
