At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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