i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
