we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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