it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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