She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I have tasted many bathrooms
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
