Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
