He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
