PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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