So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I cockslap morals
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
