maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
