I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
