Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
