I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
