If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Even my vagina gasped.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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