I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
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