I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize