Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize