I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
