Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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