Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
