the condom got lost in my hair
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
