Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize