Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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