yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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