Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
