SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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