Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
