We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
