it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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