I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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