smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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