how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
