So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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