good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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