well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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