he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
