And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
