Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
