Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
she told me i tasted like america
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
