A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
