Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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