Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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