fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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