Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
