I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
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