He kissed a someone with a penis
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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