This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize