either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
