I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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