I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
