Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
