It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
