I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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