all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
