The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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