i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
