party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
be right there i have to get my cape
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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