aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
