The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Farmville is her only friend.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
