making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
