I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
