Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
