Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
