I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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