Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
