hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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