I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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