Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Is it penis luge time yet?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
