when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
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