He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize